… are at the heart of our togetherness.
When we say: „I understand you“, it is unfortunately often an empty phrase. Because can or will we really understand our counterpart?
Let us listen? Are we listening actively and asking the right questions? Are we personally interested in the interests and backgrounds that motivate other people?
Investigate the background and subsurface!
Some of you must have answered the questions above with YES. But if we investigate again …, did you get to the heart? Did you work your way to the origin, through all layers?
You are probably becoming more insecure now. That is OK!
Most of the time we do not even know how to get there. Or we do not really take the time. The backgrounds or subsurface behind the interests are becoming more and more complex! Whatever can happen, we lose patience at a certain depth. Do you know that? You start rolling your eyes, moaning, and wondering how to get out of that!
Because it is precisely at this point that your counterpart has certainly started to build trust in you. And now! Now you are no longer ready to take your time! Do you know the saying: „In for a penny, in for a pound!“? It is like „guilty by association“. If we do not want it, then we must openly communicate, that we are not interested in it.
Please do not use an excuse, such as …
- no time
- have an appointment now
- we can continue later
Everything is then just a lie … because your interest is then also another!
Interests are the basis for real solutions!
This comes from mediation and we mediators look for interests to develop possible solutions. So, we are looking for deeper motives from which one or the other action took place.
Since we have different values in us and have had different experiences in life, our interests are also very diverse. This means that the deeper we go into the rings of life (based on the rings in the tree), the more layers open. The more complex the posing of a question becomes, and the more feelings and emotions arise. Now it is becoming more and more difficult not to get involved into what has been experienced and felt!
But if we really want to find solutions, in cooperation, in work, in understanding, then we must also have the courage to go this way!
So, if you find something is wrong, check the context of the situation. Look for other deeper interests that may still be hidden. It is also often the case that those involved have never dug so deep themselves! Give yourself and your counterpart the chance to grow into this with confidence.
Because there we often find deep injuries to the soul! It is important to explore them carefully, because only then will we find solutions!
If you do not dare yourself to manage this process (which is completely ok), then just contact me.
I am happy to support you!