are blanket and pejorative attacks.
are used when there is no factual argument or the sender feels inferior.
The sender just wants to stress his social dominance over its factual inferiority.
What are devastating words?
This are sentences like:
- You should know that yourself, or am I surrounded by idiots here?
- We’ve already tried everything that won’t do!
- Am I surrounded only by giddy goats?
- Typical man! / … women! / …. youth! / …. etc.
- First of all, gain a bit of work experience, and then let’s talk about it!
- This never works in practice that is completely absurd!
- Are you always so squeamish?
- I did my part!
- If you do not want to – then I’ll go!
- I’d rather do it myself!
What makes words devastating?
The goal of devastating words is to silence us. If we lack self-esteem, than this behavior often works very well. But it may also be that we are so perplexed that our self-confidence does not help us anymore. 🙁
Then we leave the room either frustrated, demotivated or we go into the attack, because this man makes us livid.
Often, however, we stuck up in a blind alley and most of the time the communication comes to a standstill and solutions cannot be found. We are frustrated, shut oneself away, or think about a suitable counterattack.
Everything not particularly purposeful!
So what to do?
There is an unbeatable technique in my view – search for and hear keywords. It takes practice and courage. Courage we may not have at first. I can only recommend it to stay worth it. Behind every devastating word there are enormous chances to succeed 🙂
You just have to focus on where the roads lead out of the dead end 🙂
Here are some tips on how to do well:
“Let’s think for a while and wait for further development”
1st step – search for keywords!
Here are the questions that can be asked directly afterwards:
- What exactly should be thought of?
- Who is “us”?
- How long should we think about it?
- Who else should do anything besides us – so who should we wait for?
- What development should we wait for and who?
Do you notice something? Even at this stage it starts to get difficult for the sender – because you’re not going to let happen sweeping generalizations any longer!
2nd step: Express a conclusion
Depending on how your counterpart answers, you have, for example, quite quickly the opportunity to say: “So that means you basically agree with the proposal?”
The exciting thing is, you have asked a closed question – now there is only a yes or no.
Now from the sender could come: “That is not what I said.”
It is important that you stick on him now: “What exactly do you mean then?”
And now the topic moves into the next round – but attention: pay attention to the keywords!
And as a 3rd step you can derive consequences!
“So, if I understood you correctly then it’s just for you to pinpoint the negative effects, is that right?”
Now you have made it – because now you can ask a follow-up question when you’ve got a “yes”:
“Then we can start directly with the preparations, when the time comes?”
Of course, there are many other ways to counteract devastating words.
You can learn this from me in conflict training or a training session for conversation or even with a coaching. As a conflict moderator and mediator I know of course even more possibilities and methods, such as the paraphrasing and others.
Just get in touch with me, and then we’ll see what I can do for you!